


Snowmageddon

by Miso



Category: SCTV (Canada TV)
Genre: First Time, M/M, Snowed In, and then boning him, saving your idiot coworker from dying of hypothermia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-02
Updated: 2017-03-02
Packaged: 2018-09-27 21:21:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10050740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miso/pseuds/Miso
Summary: Earl's willing to risk his life for the sake of journalism. Luckily for him, Floyd isn't.





	

**Author's Note:**

> HOO OKAY ITS 4 AM AND I JUST FINISHED THIS. This is the product of late night writing, so if this isn't quite up to my usual standards, that's why. Based on an idea from the fabulous BlossomTime!

"Well, the Alberta clipper we've been promised finally blew into Melonville overnight, resulting in deep snow, chilly air, and cancelled school for children across town. On the scene in Melonville City Park is Earl Camembert. Earl?"

Floyd shuffled his papers as the monitors turned to Earl, standing ankle-deep in snow in the most obnoxiously colored fur-lined parka he could find. It swallowed him alive, he looked absolutely ridiculous, and if it hadn't offended Floyd's sense of sight so badly he would have thought it was his. Earl grinned as absently as ever, standing beside a hastily-piled together snow fort thrown together by a pair of young girls who were balling up snowballs in their gloved hands. "Thanks Floyd! I'm here in the park with approximately a quarter of the population of Melonville, most of whom were told to stay home from school or work today due to the snow, which is due to continue all day." He crouched beside the kids, who gave him a rather confused and slightly offput look.

"Um. Who are you?" one of them asked, poking her head up over the wall of her fort and tossing a snowball at the boys across the path. She ducked back behind the wall and giggled as a snowball flew over her hand. Earl's expression was a bit taken aback as her friend stared at him and intoned, "My dad's a cop so if you try to kidnap us, you're gonna die."

"No, no, I'm Earl Camembert from SCTV News. How are you enjoying your snow day?" Earl quickly explained, clearly deeply embarrassed. No response. "... Having fun?" Nothing. Earl coughed softly and stood up. "Well. Um... I'm Earl Camembert, on location at Melonville City Park. Back to you, Floyd."

***

Two hours later, Floyd glanced up at the camera as he was cued. "The weather's getting wilder, folks. Earl Camembert is still on location at Melonville Park, bringing us the latest updates. Earl?"

The monitor cut to Earl, barely visible through the whiteout conditions. He shivered where he stood, the snow now up to his knees, and no other people in sight. "Um. It's certainly getting intense, Floyd," he said, hands trembling as he struggled to hold on to his microphone. "The, ah, the light snowfall of earlier has turned into a blizzard. It's... it's really cold."

"... I can tell. Where'd everyone go, Earl, you were surrounded by people a couple hours ago?"

"Home, Floyd, like most sane people would in this weather," Earl answered, with just a teeny hint of bitterness in his voice. "As a journalist, however, I'll remain on location with the latest updates. Here's a list of road closures in the area..."

***

Another two hours passed. Floyd straightened his tie as the camera crew counted down from 5, and looked up into the cameras. "Believe it or not, Earl Camembert is still on location, bringing us the latest about the blizzard. Earl, you there?"

All Floyd saw was a closeup of Earl's parka zipper before he backed up and huddled against what remained of the snow fort from the afternoon. "Um. I'm here, Floyd," he began, trembling worse than before and looking up into the night sky like he was begging for some kind of help. "It's... it's getting really, really cold. I'm alone. M-my camera crew left me." Earl paused to exhale into his gloved hands and rub them together, shuddering like an earthquake was hitting on top of the blizzard. "I'm... I'm a professional to the end, though." A weak smile, as Earl wrapped his arms around himself. "If it keeps the citizens of Melonville informed, I'm happy to be here."

Floyd quirked an eyebrow as he watched Earl tremble. He looked so pathetic. "You sure you're okay out there, Earl?"

"I-I'll be fine. And if I'm not then just leave a hair dryer on me for a while, thaw me out." Earl laughed weakly, his cheeks and nose bright red from the biting wind and cold. "Ah. B-back to you, Floyd."

"..." Floyd was quiet for a second, before he turned back to the cameras. "That's your news for tonight, ladies and gentlemen," he said, standing up as the cameras turned off.

"Mr. Robertson? Where are you-?"

"I'm not gonna let him freeze to death out there just because Caballero doesn't know when someone's obviously contracting hypothermia." Floyd shrugged on his coat and pulled on his gloves. "I'm gonna ask Mrs. Prickley if I can borrow her snowmobile."

"Mrs. Prickley has a snowmobile?"

"And I'm gonna go save my idiot co-anchor's life."

***

Earl huddled in on himself as much as he could. He would cry, but he was afraid the tears would freeze to his face. Cold, alone, and as far as he knew, doomed. Forehead against his knees, he shuddered and begged any deity that would have him to survive.

He looked up as he heard a motor approaching, and before he fully comprehended what it was, a leopard-print snowmobile with a tall, lanky figure mounted upon it pulled up in front of him. The figure removed their helmet and shook out a head of silky brown hair.

"Floyd?" Earl asked weakly.

"Breathe a word of this to anyone and you're a dead man." Floyd stepped off the snowmobile- snowshoes, god, Earl wished he'd thought of snowshoes- and helped Earl to his feet. "Get on. You're coming with me."

Earl climbed onto the snowmobile behind Floyd and clung onto him, ignoring Floyd's heavy sigh of exasperation as he pulled his helmet back on, revved the engine, and tore through the snowy park.

***

"Um... thanks for this," Earl murmured, relaxing almost immediately as he entered the kitchen, clad in a spare pair of flannel pajamas, hair still damp from the hot shower he'd practically begged for as soon as they pulled into Floyd's driveway.

"Don't mention it," Floyd said, shoving a thermos of hot coffee into Earl's hands. The pair crossed into the living room and Earl settled on the couch as Floyd wrapped a throw blanket around his shoulders and sat beside him. Earl sighed almost contentedly as he took a drink of the coffee, the warmth spreading through him, feeling like his very soul was thawing out. Then Floyd spoke.

"You're a moron."

"Hm?"

"You're a fucking idiot. You should have left with the camera crew."

"But..."

"No, Earl, you know if I hadn't showed up you would have died? If Edith hadn't let me borrow her snowmobile, you would have frozen to death out there. No news story is worth that." Floyd crossed his legs and stared at the wall angrily. "Though I wouldn't expect any less from the guy who thought it was a good idea to lock himself in a cell with violent offenders."

Earl nudged his glasses up the bridge of his nose and sipped the coffee again, the warmth spreading through his body. "I just..."

"Stop. You're just gonna dig a deeper hole." Floyd instinctively reached for a cigarette, only to remember he'd finished his last pack earlier that evening. Shit. He settled for fiddling with a loose thread on his shirt instead. "The guest room's set up if you want to go to bed."

"... I'm alright right now," Earl answered, taking in the sight of Floyd in a worn out old band t-shirt and flannel pajama pants with the least expected, goofiest-looking donut print on them. He'd never seen him look so... casual. Relaxed. As relaxed as Floyd got, anyway.

Floyd turned on the TV and flipped through channels mindlessly until he got to some brainless sitcom. He just wanted some background noise besides the ticking of the clock and the howl of the wind outside.

There was a lengthy pause. Earl shuffled a little bit closer to Floyd, until he was leaning against his side, Floyd's arm around his shoulders. It was like he didn't notice or didn't care what he was doing. "... Thanks for showing up when you did," Earl murmured, placing the now-empty thermos on the coffee table. Floyd shrugged a little and chewed on his thumbnail absently.

"You looked so pathetic. I know I'm an asshole but my heart isn't completely black and frozen." Floyd glanced down at Earl. "You know I don't hate you, right?"

"You don't?" The genuine surprise in Earl's voice was strangely endearing.

"No. You get on my nerves and I loathe every word that comes out of your mouth sometimes, but I don't hate you." Floyd gently turned Earl's face up towards him with a surprisingly gentle finger under his chin. "Your... brainless helplessness is kind of cute in a weird way."

Earl, for his part, sat entirely still, processing what was going on. What the hell had tonight been? He started it afraid he was going to freeze to death, and now Floyd was telling him he was cute? What? "... I... don't-"

"Shut up." Floyd gently ruffled Earl's hair. "I'm gonna get you some more coffee." He took the thermos, stood, and walked into the kitchen, returning momentarily with more steaming coffee.

Earl accepted the thermos and sipped it gratefully, then bit his lip and said, softly, "You could have been a little less... out of left field with that."

"Is there a way to tell someone you have a thing for them that isn't out of nowhere?" Floyd sat beside Earl again and sprawled out on the couch. "What were you expecting? Rose petals and shit?"

"I don't know what I was expecting but it definitely wasn't you telling me you like me."

Floyd snorted softly, a stifled laugh. He gently took the thermos from Earl's hands and placed it on the coffee table. "You want me to prove it?" he asked, as he gently nudged Earl onto his back and placed his hands on his shoulders.

Earl was a fetching shade of red. He was quiet for a moment, before he bit his lip and breathed, "Yes."

Floyd smirked, gently placed his hand on Earl's cheek, leaned down, and kissed him, surprisingly gently. The wind whipped against the windows, the TV was still on low in the background, but all Earl could hear was his own heartbeat.

They parted after a few long moments, Floyd staring down at Earl intensely with dark, desire-ridden eyes. Earl felt himself shudder and his cock stir slightly. It'd been a long time since anyone looked at him like that. "... Good?" Floyd asked with a smug smile. Earl just nodded dumbly, and pulled Floyd down for another kiss.

Hands wandered and clothes were haphazardly tossed across the room. Earl trembled to feel Floyd's hands on him, gently stroking through his chest hair and stopping to thumb at his nipples as he arched into the surprisingly soft touches. He'd always thought Floyd was rougher than this in bed. Then again, they were on a couch, not in a bed.

Earl gasped softly as Floyd wrapped a hand around his length and jerked tortuously slowly. "You like that?" he asked softly, that smug fucking smile still on his face as Earl shuddered and nodded. "I figured. You should see yourself." Floyd rubbed his thumb over the head of Earl's cock, eliciting a sharp moan and another arch of the back. "You're sensitive, aren't you?"

Earl bit his lip and felt another shudder run through his body. "Wh-what're you gonna do with me...?" he asked, panting softly. He whimpered as the friction left his dick and looked up at his... fuck buddy? Boyfriend? Coworker-frenemy-with-benefits? What were they, anymore?

"I'm not going to do anything you don't want," Floyd began, gently nudging Earl's thighs apart. "But I was hoping for a home run."

"... Home run?" Baseball metaphors had always been lost on Earl. Floyd rolled his eyes and, to illustrate his point, gently nudged the tip of his cock against Earl's opening. Earl squeaked softly and felt his toes curl, looking up at Floyd with desire, frantic need, and just a hint of panic in his face. "But-"

"Yes. Yes, it is." Floyd chuckled in his throat at his own stupid joke, then cleared his throat. "What's the matter?"

"I-I've never... not there. And, um... you feel big, and I don't wanna get hurt..."

"I'll go slow." Floyd lowered himself over Earl and kissed his neck gently. "And it won't hurt if you relax. Hang on a second," he said, lifting himself up and disappearing into the house for a moment. He returned with something in his hand, and Earl adjusted his glasses a little to get a look at it.

"... Vaseline?"

"You're gonna want me to use this," Floyd responded, opening the tub and dipping his fingers into the gooey solution before spreading it over his cock. "Won't hurt so bad like this." Earl watched wordlessly, gazing at the object of his desires- the gorgeous, throbbing length currently positioned where his thigh met his hip, just a bit northwest of where he wanted it more than he thought possible. If it was gonna hurt, he wanted that part overwith. He'd overheard conversations between some of the other gay guys that worked at SCTV and were in relationships; apparently, once you relaxed and got past the initial sting, it was good. Really good.

"You ready?" Floyd asked softly. Earl nodded and gripped his partner's shoulders, nudging his slipping glasses up the bridge of his nose. He felt blunt pressure nudge against him, then...

Oh, god.

Fuck. Ow.

He grit his teeth and dug his nails into Floyd's shoulders, pulling him down and clinging to him. Floyd took a second to regain his balance after the sudden yank, then gently kissed Earl's neck to calm him. "Shh. Relax. You want me to stop?"

"No," Earl whispered hoarsely. He took a couple of deep breaths, felt himself relax, and then felt Floyd sink in deeper in turn. He gasped softly and clutched at Floyd's shoulders again. "Fuck... I-I thought it looked big." Earl laughed weakly and loosened his grip on Floyd, letting him balance himself on his palms. Floyd smiled, not smugly, but almost tenderly before he pressed in a bit deeper. Earl groaned and let his head fall back against the arm of the couch, panting softly as he sank in, inch by inch, until he felt their hips touch. "... God..."

"Yeah, that's what most people say," Floyd murmured, licking his lips and gently positioning the two of them to where he was kneeling and Earl's ankles were on his shoulders. "Better. Ready?"

"God, yes, please!"

"Goddamn. Begging already." Floyd smirked and jerked his hips forward sharply, eliciting a soft yelp of pleasure. "So fuckin' tight..." he snarled as he found his rhythm, deep and slow at first, then gaining speed and power. Earl bit his knuckle hard enough to draw blood in a desperate attempt to hold back the cries he wanted to let out, his aching cock standing at attention and dribbling pre-come over his stomach. That was gonna be hell to get out in the morning.

Floyd lowered himself atop Earl, thrusting faster, deeper (like he could fuck any other way?), and kissing him in as many places as he could reach. He gently moved Earl's hand away from his mouth. "Make noise. No one here but us."

That was all the encouragement Earl needed. He cried out sharply, clinging onto Floyd again and burying his face in his scratch marked shoulder, panting and gasping and moaning with every movement. Goddamn, that was hot. Floyd growled softly and bit Earl's neck just hard enough to leave a mark, which earned him a sharp "Aaah, FUCK!" and some more scratches down his back. At least he wasn't bleeding. He gripped Earl's hips and drove himself as deep as possible, breathing heavily and feeling knots winding in his gut.

"F-Floyd, I-I-I'm g-gonna-!" Earl barely got a warning out before he cried out wordlessly, cock twitching like it had a mind of its own as he came without being touched, pearlescent white drops landing in a sea of black hair on his abdomen. As he came, he dug his nails into Floyd's back and tightened around him, electricity shot through his body, and he shuddered like a branch in a storm.

That was more than enough to drive Floyd over the edge as well. Floyd managed to get himself out of Earl's death grip and just barely had time to pull out before he groaned deep in his throat and came, adding onto the mess on Earl's chest and stomach, panting quietly as he came down from the high of orgasm.

They stayed in the position they were in for a bit, before Floyd backed up as well as he could being as shaky as he was. He wiped some sweat from his brow as Earl sat up slowly, glasses askew and foggy- why hadn't he taken them off? Floyd asked himself- and winced a bit. "Ow. Shit."

"I know. It's gonna be sore for a little bit. Um... hang on a second." Floyd stood and stretched, pulled his t-shirt back on when he happened across it halfway across the room, and left Earl alone on the couch again. Earl started to feel ditched- though, he reminded himself, there wasn't anywhere to go with the blizzard outside- when Floyd came back with a glass of water in one hand and a bottle of aspirin in the other.

Earl downed a couple of pills and half the glass of water before he leaned against Floyd, resting his head on his chest. "That... felt really good."

"Good." Floyd carded a hand through Earl's hair. "Glad you enjoyed yourself."

"... What does this make us, though?"

Floyd froze for a moment. Fuck. He hadn't thought that far ahead. "Uh. I'm... not sure."

"That's reassuring."

"... I guess it makes us coworkers that fucked. But, um, I mean..." Floyd nervously rubbed the back of his neck. "I'll have you if you'll have me."

"English?"

Floyd immediately felt his nervousness melt away and be replaced by endeared annoyance. Earl was so stupid. It was cute. "I mean, if you want to date, I'll try anything once."

"Including dating your dumbass co-anchor who was willing to freeze in a blizzard for the sake of journalism?"

"Including that." Floyd's hand went down to Earl's shoulder. "So, um... you're gonna wanna get that mess out of your hair."

"Yeah... guess I need to get back in the shower." Earl smiled a little. Then it turned coy. "Wanna come with me?"

Floyd licked his lips a bit as images of the rest of the night- and the day tomorrow, if this snow kept up- flashed through his mind. "Absolutely."


End file.
